I need to choose =[

I'm planning on going to California next year in July til the end of August for a 2 month holiday to celebrate my 20th birthday...

BUT

I also got offered to go to the 54th Eurovision Song Contest in Moscow, Russia next year...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!

I want to visit California and see my friends and spend time with them

BUT

Eurovision is my LIFE!

It's my passion.
It's my obsession.

It's the greatest song contest in the WORLD!!!!!


I'm so torn apart those 2....

what shall I do... what shall I do... what shall I do...

I've had ENOUGH!!

I've had enough of people ALWAYS taking advantage of me.
If you want to play these sick little mind games with me; then go ahead.
Don't think you'll hurt me.
Don't think you'll get me down.

Because I'm warning you now


YOU WILL LOSE


Jordan.A

Argh I hate her!!!

I just told my mum that I want to go to Los Angeles next year for a 2 month holiday. She asked me "what are you going to do there?" and I told her "I just want to see what it's like; so if I'm going to live there I'll know what I'm getting into" and she was like "you can't go unless you achieved something" and I told her "I just want to go on holiday and gain some independance" and she was like "you're not going to go" and I told her that she always holds my hand and never lets me experience what I truly want and she denied the whole thing.

I seriously am breaking inside.

She's the real cause of it.

I hate her.

Why "Vertigo" means a lot to me

As a majority of you know,

I'm passionate and obsessed with the song "Vertigo". It was written by Gerard James Borg and sung by Olivia Lewis. Not only am I obsessed with the artistic oriental asian performance. I'm also passionate about the lyrics. I feel as though they were written just for me. I can definitely relate to them very well.


You're spinnin' me round and you're holdin' me down
Lovin' you gives me vertigo
I'm losin' my ground, givin' in to your heart
Kissin' you gives me vertigo

And I'm lost, then I'm found
And I run, then I hide
And I turn, you're not there
I say yes, you say no
Lovin' you gives me vertigo

And I give, but you take
I made one big mistake
Gave you all, A to Z
Then you came, now you go
Lovin' you gives me vertigo

You're liftin' me high, then you're takin' me low
It's feelin' like I'm getting vertigo
You colour me blue, turn my passion to red
It's feelin' like I've become indigo

And I give, but you take
I made one big mistake
Gave you all, A to Z
Then you came, now you go
Lovin' you gives me vertigo

Am I crazy? Could it be maybe
Solo is the way to go?

And I'm lost, then I'm found
And I run, then I hide
And I turn, you're not there
I say yes, you say no
Lovin' you gives me vertigo

And I give, but you take
I made one big mistake
Gave you all, A to Z
Then you came, now you go
Lovin' you gives me vertigo



Here's my theory based on the lyrics.
This is the real reason why it means so much to me.



Sometimes when you're in love; it holds you down. You lose yourself by giving into your lovers heart. When you passionately kiss them; it's the greatest feeling.

As you begin a life on your own; you intend on losing ourself. But with that person by your side; they will find your inner self. You run from the truth and hide from your real self. Sometimes you turn for someone; but they're not there.

You always give and give, but they take advantage of you. You make that one biggest mistake by giving them all A to Z.

A relationship can lift you high and then take you low. That person can colour you blue and turn your passion to red. It'll feel as though you've become indigo: mixed up.

All those who are in a relationship; begin to wonder...

"Am I crazy? Could it be maybe, solo is the way to go?"

That question will always wonder through your mind.

I must admit that I've experienced bad relationships in the past. And this song describes the situation so well. I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way.

Sometimes we should take the chance IF the opportunity comes. You just hope someone proves to you that being in a relationship is worth it.

I guess you'll never know what to expect.



Jordan.A

I need to break out

I honestly can't deal with this anymore.
I'm trapped in a world that I can't get out.
I feel confused and afraid and so empty inside.
I'm always being controlled by my parents.
I can't do anything without them stopping me.
It has changed me so much into someone I know I'm not.
It has made me afraid and unmotivated and undetermined.

I do know deep down I want to be free.
I want to be motivated and really determined.
I want to be who I am and live my dream.
But I just think that it'll never happen.

I really do love my parents.
I know they stuck by me through rough times.
But I can never do anything without them always holding my hand.
I understand that they want to see what's best for me.
But they keep pressuring me to do what they want me to do.
I try and try to be strong but deep down I'm breaking apart.
I've been crying for the past 10 minutes.
I just can't deal with it much longer.

I just want to take the first step of being independant.
I don't want them holding my hand all the time.
I know if I try to speak to them; they will argue and will never allow it.

I just don't know what to do or expect anymore.

I'm planning to visit Los Angeles next year to celebrate my 20th birthday.
I want to go alone.
I want to see what I'll be stepping into.
I'm not dumb.
I'm not stupid.
I know what's right.
I know what's wrong.
I don't know why they don't trust me.

I have made friends in America.
I know my parents will not even care.
I know they care about me and don't want to see me get hurt.
But they already have hurt me.

I know I won't be able to go.
They will always stop me from doing what I believe in doing.
I know they will argue with me and never allow it.

I love Australia... it's my home.
But I know I don't belong in Australia.
I don't fit in.
It's not where I was meant to be.
I just feel out of place here.

I just feel like running away.
I just want to be who I am.
I just want to set myself free.

I just don't know what to make sense of anymore.
I just don't know.

Who can I trust?

I just don't know who to trust anymore.

I'm just afraid of giving out my full trust to people and fucked up again. I've been stupid and blind enough to give it to them and in the end I paid the price. I just don't think I can get close to people like I used to. I know we all have to take chances in our life... but at the moment... I just don't know. It's very complicated and I just have thinking about it.

I'm afraid of going into another relationship with someone; because I know I'll end up at square one again. I don't know if that person is cheating on me behind my back. I don't know if they really love me. I don't know if they respect me for who I am. I don't know if they'll get bored of me. It's these kind of things that make me afraid of being with someone.

I hate going to bed alone. I just want someone who will always love me. Someone who I can grow old with. Someone I can always laugh and cry with. Someone I can turn to cry on their shoulder. Someone who will protect me. Someone who will accept and respect me for who I am. Someone to cuddle with during the night. Someone to make me part of their world.

I hope someone can prove me wrong. I just don't know what to expect anymore. I don't know what to believe in. I just don't know who I can trust these days.

I guess with this generation I'll never know.


Jordan.A