I need to break out

I honestly can't deal with this anymore.
I'm trapped in a world that I can't get out.
I feel confused and afraid and so empty inside.
I'm always being controlled by my parents.
I can't do anything without them stopping me.
It has changed me so much into someone I know I'm not.
It has made me afraid and unmotivated and undetermined.

I do know deep down I want to be free.
I want to be motivated and really determined.
I want to be who I am and live my dream.
But I just think that it'll never happen.

I really do love my parents.
I know they stuck by me through rough times.
But I can never do anything without them always holding my hand.
I understand that they want to see what's best for me.
But they keep pressuring me to do what they want me to do.
I try and try to be strong but deep down I'm breaking apart.
I've been crying for the past 10 minutes.
I just can't deal with it much longer.

I just want to take the first step of being independant.
I don't want them holding my hand all the time.
I know if I try to speak to them; they will argue and will never allow it.

I just don't know what to do or expect anymore.

I'm planning to visit Los Angeles next year to celebrate my 20th birthday.
I want to go alone.
I want to see what I'll be stepping into.
I'm not dumb.
I'm not stupid.
I know what's right.
I know what's wrong.
I don't know why they don't trust me.

I have made friends in America.
I know my parents will not even care.
I know they care about me and don't want to see me get hurt.
But they already have hurt me.

I know I won't be able to go.
They will always stop me from doing what I believe in doing.
I know they will argue with me and never allow it.

I love Australia... it's my home.
But I know I don't belong in Australia.
I don't fit in.
It's not where I was meant to be.
I just feel out of place here.

I just feel like running away.
I just want to be who I am.
I just want to set myself free.

I just don't know what to make sense of anymore.
I just don't know.